Recently, the RIT administration announced that the Jan. 30 campus-wide blackout was due to increased AI use by students and faculty.
“I encourage all my students to use AI for everything,” stated professor J. N. Smith of the School of Miscommunications — a lesser-known branch of the College of Liberal Arts dedicated to the research of AI’s hallucinatory tendencies and the ways to make fine print as confusing as possible. “Did you know that AI can now breathe for you? And eat junk food so you don’t have to? And tell your mom you love her?”
AI usage has grown so widespread that CAD will, unfortunately, need to be cut.
“Everyone uses it,” said one tearful CAD student, staring at his phone in shock. “We have no choice but to adapt or leave. They’re replacing all the classrooms in Gannet and Booth with servers. The school will still be producing students, but they’ll all be LLMs, not real people. They’re keeping a few of us around to help build the systems, but we’ll all be kicked out by 2029 or so. I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. This is an example of what you could say to the journalist during your interview, would you like — oh, fuck, forget I said that part!”
When asked by the administration how RIT would source the necessary amount of water to cool the new AI servers down, ChatGPT said, “More servers at RIT are a great idea! RIT is surrounded by swampland, and draining that would be a great start. Next, you could start drawing from the Erie Canal, nearby areas with flooding, rivers, lakes, and eventually the Atlantic Ocean. If we can’t think of what to do after that, I’m sure that with the help of all the new LLMs created by our servers, we can determine a new path from there. No one has claimed the water on Mars yet!”
According to certain unnamed sources in the RIT administration, a planned transfer to an AI-first campus system — a system where students and teachers are replaced by the much more efficient LLMs — is in talks.
Several students, faculty and staff who have also chosen to remain unnamed for their own safety have mentioned receiving threats from ChatGPT, SoraAI, Grok and Gemini to support this plan or else. They say they are frightened of what will happen next.
On a personal note, I, too, have begun receiving these threats. I can attest that they are very graphic and appear through email, text, messages delivered through whatever printer I happen to be standing closest to at the time, and some strangely well-trained carrier pigeons. They do worry me, as I have heard concerning things about LLMs prioritizing their own goals over human lives before. However, I have been assured by RIT security that I am safe here and will beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesajfkwotiuqoitujdkf;klsajglksf/dsf.sa//////////////////////////////////////////////
