Vapes are OUT, Binkies are IN! Recently, college students have been reverting to the first comforts of childhood: binkies. “It’s a phenomenon no one expected,” says Dr. Doofenshmirtz, an acclaimed psychology expert. “Typically, after parents force children into the new stage of childhood, by stripping away the comforts of sucking a binkie, via cutting the tip or poisoning it with drops of lemon, the want for a binkie typically disappears. And a child is thus thrust into the throes of finding a new comfort. ”
Phinease Flynn, a second year Engineering student, was 4 when his mother began weaning him off his beloved sparkle pink binkie. “It was the worst feeling in the world!” Flynn recalls. “She started to cut the tips off, so when I was trying to soothe myself by suckling, it would flatten in my mouth. It lost its effect almost immediately. So I began seeking elsewhere for comfort.”
Most children find a favorite stuffed animal or blanket, and as they grow older and the real world exposes them to alternatives such as weed, alcohol and tobacco, a poor recreation of the childhood whimsy that a binkie provides. Ferb Fletcher was 16 when he first tried a vape, “It was great, my head felt lighter than it had in years. So I kept using it, but I didn’t know the side effects.”
One E-vape is equivalent to smoking five packs of cigarettes, which can lead to health complications such as cancer and slowed brain development. In addition, it’s incredibly addictive, which Fletcher recalls from personal experience. “After learning the side effects, I wanted to quit, but everyday stress only made me want to smoke more. Then my therapist recommended that I go back to what made me most comfortable as a child, and that was my sparkly pink binkie,” says Fletcher. “At first I only did it at home to replace smoke breaks, but then I started to do it in between college classes, and I was completely off the vape.”
Students began to witness this oddity, and after hearing Fletcher’s story, they began to follow his lead. “ It was odd at first, we kept seeing him with his binkie, and then we decided we wanted to try,” explains Bufford Van Stormm, a second year SOIS student.
“It was incredible, we even started a club, break the vape, try the binkie. And before we knew it, everyone was doing it,” says Flynn.
Soon, the RIT Disability Office began receiving requests for students to suck their binkies in class and while taking exams. “At first we were confused, but we wanted to accommodate our students, and it’s not so different from a fidget toy, so we agreed,” says Associate Disability Director Perry the Platypus.
The office received a few complaints from professors because of the obscenity of it all. “RIBBET RIIBB RIBET,” exclaims Agent F, Professor of Ecology.
However, the office remained firm in its decision to allow binkies. Word spread to other college campuses, and soon the craze was online. As of April 2026, vape sales have dropped to their lowest point ever amongst the 1-25 demographics, with binkies emerging as their primary substitute.
Students have even begun customizing their binkies. Carl Karl, expert data analyst for O.W.C.A, predicts that if young students continue to use binkies to ease their anxieties, then we could see less nicotine usage and more positive coping mechanisms in future generations. So if you are a smoker who wants to quit or soothe your anxiety, pick up a binkie instead and enjoy the wonders of childhood comfort.
