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Picture this: You look up, and it’s you. Exiting the library, walking down the Quarter Mile, you watch them as they slide by unnoticed. You have met your doppelgänger. While before you lived your life in peaceful ignorance, there is no going back. Now that you have noticed them, they will turn up seemingly wherever you go. Slowly, your doppelgänger becomes aware of you as well.
BREAKING NEWS — We are all undoubtedly familiar with RIT's distinguished President Wrestler. And I'm sure each and every one of you with a middle-aged soccer moms is familiar with the smooth, soulful rhythms of William Tiger, jazz banjoist. The local legend's hypnotic chords and mellow demeanor have dominated the haunts of elderly and elder-to-be alike for years now.
Ah, Career Fair. A day of opportunity, of wonder, of wardrobe malfunctions. A day of opportunities lost, of frantically modifying your resume at one in the morning, of really long lines for companies you've never heard of. Once upon a time, companies had to go through all the effort of taking your resume, pretending to read it — maybe even interviewing you — before ultimately shredding your resume and forgetting all about you.
Rochester is cold, so get all your nerve endings removed. Think about it: you can’t get cold if you can’t feel anything. Not only that, but you’ll never hurt yourself stubbing your toe or feel what it’s like to hold your own son or daughter or to have sex. Not that it’s important, you go to RIT; you’re not having sex anyway.
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RIT is known for its long-storied past of brutal lake-effect winters. From December to March we are battered with snow and sub-zero temperatures, but we have one savior: our champion RIT Snow Plowing team. The RIT Plowing Team has been the National Champion since 1983. They are the number-one plowing team in the world, beating out the Soviet Union and Canada every year. RIT has a plowing record that is almost perfect.
When Reporter launched in 1951, it had one goal: to provide staunchly conservative "news" with aggressive, questionable authority. Today, we're proud to announce that we're one step closer to achieving that goal. We can finally unveil something that's been in the works at the Reporter offices for quite some time now: Reporter has (finally) merged with 21st Century Fox.
“If I could dance to, on or at anyone instead of talking to them, I would,” said Dan C. Fiend, soon to be the first-ever Interpretive Dance student at RIT, before refusing to answer any of my following questions without exaggerated body movements.
Life is a fucking nightmare.
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The universe is an incessantly cruel place, devoid of answers and offering only cold, relentless silence as a retort to our most daunting questions. What is the meaning of life? Is there a God? What is the secret to happiness? Who the fuck is the black guy in Hot Tub Time Machine 2 and what kind of monster were these pills designed for?
The following responses were leaked from an undisclosed source. They were written in response to petitions on the website PawPrints, but were apparently never published. The veracity of the following has yet to be confirmed. We should have more butter pecan ice cream. I like butter pecan ice cream.
In the aftermath of the brutally cold winter of 2015, which included the coldest February on record that Rochester has ever experienced, there has recently been much discussion over ways to survive the freezing weather. One of the possible solutions that has resulted in equal amounts of derision and enthusiasm is a petition filed to secede Rochester from New York to Florida.
With our natural glitter reserves at an all-time low, our country is facing its greatest challenge.
There is not a doubt in anybody's mind that this past winter was cold as fuck. RIT's Facilities Management Services (FMS) had all but given up on clearing our Siberian hell-scape from the sludgy snow. Though spring has officially arrived, there's no guarantee we're in the clear yet.
Aside from being the ultimate time-waster and making me question why I go to this God-damned school, Yik Yak is quite possibly the closest thing we have to an Animal Planet documentary: And here we see the wild Top Hat Guy in his usual hunting ground. The scared college students chatter, or "yak," to alert others to his presence.
Do you go to RIT? Aren't hands weird? Do you think God could be Santa Claus? What is the Easter Bunny? Why do we have all these questions? What is this article even about?
The White House deals with immigration while Washington remains locked in combat.
A journal of my time spent exploring the fictional Canadian wilderness of "The Long Dark."
The Government and Community Relations office made its services known to the senators, TRiO Support Services gave a synopsis of its work and a timeline was established for the redesign of the RIT student and faculty IDs.
Hillary Clinton has come under fire for using her personal email while she was serving as Secretary of State from Jan. 2009 to Feb. 2013. Could such ill-timed news bring her campaign to a halt before it even gets off the ground?
In remembrance of Mr. Spock, everyone's favorite Vulcan.
After a nearly 14-year hiatus, underground hip-hop duo Cannibal Ox return with "Blade of the Ronan." However, the product is far from an adequate follow-up.
Should media outlets, especially TV news stations, re-broadcast these live recorded executions for the world to see?
With the growth of the Islamic State group ever increasing, is it acceptable for broadcast media to air videos of beheadings and carnage? The answer is a simple "yes."
On March 13, students gathered to voice their complaints about the Counseling Center at RIT. Primary concerns were wait times, group counseling and a lack of information surrounding the available resources.
UCLA has a surprising incident of anti-Semitism. A jetliner narrowly avoids plunging into an icy bay. Galactic lensing allows astronomers to see a supernova at different points in its evolution.