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Destler Dodge

Are you a college student?

Do you go to RIT? How do you like it? What year are you? Why did you pick RIT? Was it because of the classes? Or the co-op program? Did they give you a lot of scholarships? Or is Gracie’s the reason you came here?

Why are you in college? Are you here because your parents want you to get a degree? Did you need a few more years before entering “the real world?” Or did you come here to learn?

What is learning? How can we take information from one person and give it to multiple people? Doesn’t that just blow your mind? What is blowing your mind? Is it possible for your mind to actually explode, or is it just an expression?

Aren’t brains weird? If all our thoughts and memories are stored there, then are we really just brains? Do we live inside of our brains? Are our bodies just things that our brains live inside? Like really complicated houses? Aren't our bodies awesome? Don't they have the coolest features, like digestion? And hair? What about our hands? Have you ever looked at your hands and wiggled them around? Aren’t hands awesome? How do so many little parts work together perfectly? How does that even happen? Was it evolution that gave us hands or some big person  in the sky?

Why do people think their God lives in the sky? Wouldn’t we have seen Them by now? Or maybe They’re invisible? Isn’t that a scary thought? How do we know They’re not right above us right now, watching us walk to classes? Could They be watching us when we’re sleeping? How about when we’re awake? Don’t people say God  knows if we’ve been bad or good? Doesn’t that sound like Santa Claus?

Is God Santa Claus?

If God isn’t Santa Claus, how is he still alive? Wouldn’t Kris Kringle have died a long time ago? Is the fountain of youth in the North Pole or is he surviving because of elf magic? What about the Easter Bunny?

What is the Easter Bunny? Is it a giant anthropomorphic bunny? Or some immortal guy in a bunny suit? Why does he leave eggs? Does that mean he’s a giant mutant rabbit that lays eggs all the time? Aren’t holiday figures weird? How did we ever come up with a giant bunny for a holiday or a tiny fairy that buys our teeth? Why does the Tooth Fairy even want our teeth? Is it for some weird black market deal? Are we all just black market mules for fairies?

Why is it called the black market? Why not the illegal market? What about the trade of illegal goods is “black?” Why not the white market? Or the blue market? Don’t you think the people for sale in the market are feeling blue? That was dark wasn’t it? Do you think that’s why it’s called the black market, because it’s so dark? Where does the black market even happen? When you think of a market what do you picture? Wegmans? The Public Market? Marketplace Mall? So why is it called a market? Do you think they have different isles for different goods? Are the human organs next to the heroin or the elephant tusks? What about organic and non-organic?  

Don't you think we've gotten a bit distracted? Shall we get back to the point? Are you a college student? Why’d you pick RIT? Isn’t it such a great school? Isn’t college amazing? Isn’t everything amazing? How wonderful is the world we live in? Aren’t we so blessed to be alive?

But seriously, is God Santa Claus?