The Suite Life of Jurassic Park


Illustration by Jess Edwards

1. It’s the weekend, how do you relax?

      a. Studying! Time for improving KNOWLEDGE.

      b. Looking for sweet babes.

      c. How can I relax? There's so much to do!

      d. Shopping!

      e. Working, I gotta eat!

       f. Fixing things!

2. How would people describe you?

       a. Clean

       b. Handsome and cool

       c. Busy!

       d. Fantastical?

       e. Reliable

       f. Innovative

3. On a perfect night, what are you eating?

       a. A light salad with arugula, fresh tomatoes and pumpkin seeds for improving my zinc levels.

       b. I have a leftover ham sandwich in my pocket.

       c. Shrimp Scampi.

       d. Whatever won't hurt my summer body!

       e. Rice, chicken and veggies!

       f. Ask a special someone out to dinner tonight.

4.  What's your fashion sense?

       a. Sweater vest, slacks and a button down.

       b. I think I have some clean underwear?

       c. A salmon blazer.

       d. Whatever's in this week!

       e. I like to call it library-chic.

        f. Something casual.

5. What is your ideal profession?

       a. Theoretical Physicist, renowned scientist or a renowned chef.

       b. Is traveling and picking up ladies a job?

       c. Hospitality.

       d. Work?

       e. Education.

        f. Engineering.

6. How would you describe yourself?

       a. Friendly!

       b. Carnivorous.

       c. Gentle, unless provoked.

       d. Beautiful!

       e. A good communicator.

       f. 'Unique.'

Mostly a’s

You’re a total Cody Martin riding a Brachiosaurus. Studying? Vegetables? Come on, it’s obvious. Go read your books, nerd. I’m messing — you’re kind and sweet, but not that funny. Take your sweater vests and veganism and find a nice partner to settle down with, you deserve it!

Mostly b’s

You’re Zack riding a Raptor. You’re kind of squirrely when it comes to women and food. A three-day-old bologna sandwich slaps just as hard as a fresh one. Deep down you’re a nice guy, it's just that sometimes when you do something nice an accident happens.

Mostly c’s

Okay, Mr. Moseby and his trusty Ankylosaurus ... stop being such a stick in the mud. Ankylosaurus’ tend to be dinosaur wrecking balls, and you wreck others' fun if it's wrecking yours. That being said, I’m not so sure you ever have fun, so try relaxing!

Mostly d’s

You’re flashy, sassy and filthy rich. Tell me London, how is your Styracosaurus? More like Style-osaurus! You two go so well together, you’re on top of the latest trends. It really doesn’t seem like it, but you are sweet. Can't help it if you're a little judgemental!

Mostly e’s

You're Maddie Fitzpatrick riding a Parasaurolophus. You’re incredibly reliable and a good friend. Sometimes people step all over you and you have to work way harder in life to move forward — remember you'll end up ahead in life with so many more real world experiences.

Mostly f’s

I mean this in the best way possible, but you are an Arwin riding a Stegosaurus. It’s a more controversial mix, an obscure man doing his best and one of the most well known dinosaurs of the Jurassic era. What does this mean? You’re indecisive at times, not really an introvert but not really an extrovert.