At Your Leisure: Distorter Edition!

Word of the month:

Fomo: an acronym meaning “fear of missing out.”

Sentence: Todd’s fomo went full swing when a drunken brawl started on the drunk bus.

 Quote of the Month:

“You have to look deep down and come to the conclusion, wow it would be nice if I stayed home and gave grandma a sponge bath” – No One Ever

Distorter Recommends: Skipping Class

You wake up in the morning, hangover level at 11, and realize class is an issue for you now. Rather than enter society in a half sober stupor, have you considered skipping your classes?

When done just right, it is the tactic that will save both your reputation and your grades. First things first, you need to consider strategically what the best excuse should be used in order to successfully get a carte blanche for your pillow.

Weather delays are a common fail safe excuse especially for Rochester. Clearly, with the smallest amount of snow comes the greatest risk.

The next best excuse of course is to plead insanity and undergo psychological tests. In preparation for this task, be sure to watch “The One That Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest” multiple times in order to get a feel for how to pass these psych tests. Also consider bothering your Psychology major friends to help you come across as a legitimate psychopath.

Lastly, if all else fails, consider just not showing up at all. The professor may fully understand  your current predicament. When I have skipped class successfully, I usually get the response “Well, Abel isn’t here today. He must be doing Wrestler’s work some place, maybe he could be researching the famed RIT brick mines.” Or they might just not care. Regardless, this is a skill that is worth honing, especially at the crazy, barren wasteland that is RIT.

Signs Your Roommates Are Impeccably Clean

1. The carpet floor is gloriously adorned with misfit food and week old snacks. A carpet feast is an honorable activity.
2. Your kitchen sink is considered a beautiful vista known as a dish kingdom. Not many are able to witness such artistry and finesse as a dish kingdom, which is vastly superior to a plate duchy.
3. The apartment is home to a wonderful museum that walks us through the food you have scarfed or partially eaten. This museum is commonly referred to as a fridge.
4. The lack of common cleaning utilities like Clorox, toilet cleaner and others showcases your roommates’ dedication to reusing their wardrobe to save precious clean water. Filth can never collect on their rooms and bodies for they are a hearty people.
5. A Viking funeral is held every time a plate has been used to the point of being too worn and caked with food.