Distorter Editor's Note

I'm a goddamn noodle.

I like crime.

I'd prefer not to get the penis articles.

Emotionally, I'm always in week 10.

I refuse to call Morgan daddy.

Why can't I be normal? 

I'm a crafty bitch. A very petite Italian boy. Perfectly adequate soup.

Do you know how many people you're going to kill in 2 months ... 2.5 months?

I have some bad news for you. Everyone who has worked at the Umbrella Science Division has died. 

I just watched a mother throw her baby into a pool.

Did it survive? I sure hope not.

The amount of don't care I have right now is a lot.

My dead grandfather money is coming soon. A fuck little of money. 

Where are you going? 

TO BE GAY.

Well I'm not getting blown, but I'm gonna squeeze this juice!

It just felt unnatural to have liquid explode in my mouth.

It kind of looks like drugs, but I'm into it. Who needs Burt's Bees when you have Lifestyle condoms?

I thought I was being innovative, turns out I was just wrong. All statements were sourced from conversations between Distorter staff. Yes we are listening. Also, fuck off.