Ask Munchkin with WATR 69.7

Illustration by Big Mood

One of WATR’s most beloved segments is Ask Munchkin, where RIT President David Munchkin addresses the questions and comments of the community.

You’ve tuned into WATR 69.7, the throbbing pulse of music. I’m your host, DJ Vasec-Tommy. We’re honored to have President David Munchkin here to answer a few questions. But first, I want to answer a question that is on lots of people’s minds: why do we exist? Specifically us, RIT’s college radio station. Why are we so dedicated to radio, a legacy media format, instead of something new and sexy, like print magazines? Well, it’s because people appreciate the human touch. We can’t rely on algorithms to pick what kind of music everyone should listen to. We should rely on a handful of 20-year-olds in a cramped basement. That’s the way it’s always been, and frankly, I don’t see anything wrong with it.

We can’t rely on algorithms to pick what kind of music everyone should listen to. We should rely on a handful of 20-year-olds in a cramped basement.

We scour the music landscape to deliver to you the best groups of white people with guitars instead of the bad groups of white people with guitars. Some of them even use synths! We feature emerging and diverse music, from indie classics like Bright Eyes to new emerging artists like Better Oblivion Community Center. Of course, we have our critics. Some people say that WATR never plays hip-hop. But that’s not true: some of our best DJ friends play hip-hop. Because we’re uncompromising. We’re on the edge. Well, if we say the F-word we lose our broadcasting license. But besides that, all bets are off.

We deliver high-quality commentary to RIT’s hockey fanatics who can’t make it to the game and haven’t figured out live streaming quite yet. We support our community members by giving them primetime midnight shifts. One day you’ll be in your car, your phone will be dead, your CDs will be gone and you’ll need something to listen to that’s not dad rock and Christian fundamentalists. We can be that for you!

But we don’t just rely on waves of radiation to make your lives better. We’ve branched out into other mediums to broadcast out the truth. Like our challenging, post-modern conceptual sculpture, Studio X. The studio’s perpetual emptiness reflects the harsh reality of America’s post-industrial economy. Its stoic beauty is an incredible asset to the RIT community.

Some people might say that’s a waste of resources, especially considering our dwindling listening audience. But that’s not how you become one of BestColleges.com’s Top 51 College Radio Stations of 2016 — yeah, there’s a plaque and everything. Jesus Christ, I’m erect just talking about it. But that’s not the only tall, stiff piece of wood in the studio tonight. President Munchkin, welcome to the show.

Munchkin: Thank you for having me. I am here to maximize our shareholders’ return on investment but I will also engage the student body in productive discussion.

DJ Vasec-Tommy: First question — some students have raised concerns about their lack of input regarding changes to campus, like building plans and our recent rebrand.

Munchkin: Student input is extremely important to the process, even if the input is that the process shouldn’t happen. We hear your concerns. And we will continue hearing your concerns until you graduate or forget about it. RIT values transparency — just look at all of the glass buildings we’re making these days!

DJ Vasec-Tommy: How can we keep making these changes while also keeping tuition low?

Munchkin: It’s not cheap to run an almost-top 100 university — those MAGIC Centers don’t exactly grow on trees. If we're going to keep building these things, you guys are going to have to pay your fair share. Students shouldn’t panic though. After all, RIT’s tuition is two percent lower than competing similarly-ranked private universities in the northeast area. And by incrementally bumping up tuition every year, we get the sorely needed revenue and you don’t notice that much. It’s a win-win!

DJ Vasec-Tommy: Can some of that money go toward air conditioning for all of the rooms?

Munchkin: The board of trustees sees no way to make that request profitable.

DJ Vasec-Tommy: Tough but on-brand. As a newer president, how are you fitting into the RIT community?

Munchkin: As someone who was born without lips, I know how it feels to be an outsider. That’s why RIT’s unique spirit speaks to me — in a way, we’re all outsiders here. Alongside my six-figure salary, this is what keeps me so dedicated to this wonderful community. That’s why I’m increasing funding toward research and the performing arts, differentiating us from any other nearby university.

DJ Vasec-Tommy: Exciting. Do you have any other big projects that you want to talk about?

Munchkin: I’m proud to say the groundwork for the Center for University Multidisciplinary Spaces, Holistic Opportunity and Technology has been laid. It’s no exaggeration to say that CUMSHOT will be the crown jewel of this campus.

It’s no exaggeration to say that CUMSHOT will be the crown jewel of this campus.

DJ Vasec-Tommy: Oh wow, you definitely can’t say that here. What’s th ... oh. Uhhh, breaking news from our business manager — it looks like the FCC has made a complaint and we might be ... losing our broadcasting license. Fuck. I guess that’s it for this installment of Ask Munchkin. Thank you for coming on the show. Oh, and can you reach up and fix our transistor in the top of Eastman?

Munson: While it is true that I am what my doctors call “hideously tall," I think we both know I am not able to complete this request.

DJ Vasec-Tommy: Just kidding around, Munch-master.

Munchkin: Ah, of course. Japes. I am a fan of those.

DJ Vasec-Tommy: Any final message for the people?

Munchkin: Austin, come back to me. We could be so happy together.

This has been the final installment of Ask Munchkin.