Living with a roommate for the first time can be a great experience, or it can be a nightmare. It all depends on how you approach it.
The key, according to DJ Majocha, resident coordinator of Ellingson Hall, “is really establishing that communication [with a roommate].” Majocha was an undergraduate Resident Advisor (RA) for three years before becoming a resident coordinator.
According to Majocha, some areas that can trip up roommates include issues with cleanliness, sleeping schedules, guests and noise complaints. Students also need to be aware of others when using the shared bathrooms, since dominating the space will mean everyone else can’t use it.
One tool roommates have available to them is the roommate agreement.
While it’s not required, Jordan De Pina, a fourth-year neuroscience major and an RA, says, “Ideally, you want to sit down and have that conversation with that roommate,” and a student roommate agreement can help with that.
Basically, roommates should decide ahead of time what is acceptable and what is not. “Having a set of terms you’re both operating on” is important, according to De Pina.
For example, some roommates may like to stay up late in their room to play video games, while others may prefer to sleep. Or some students may want to have a guest over, but doing so means being considerate of others nearby. It’s important to decide ahead of time how to tackle these issues since they sometimes cause conflicts.
“You don’t want to assume what your roommates want until you have that conversation,” Majocha says.
That also goes for how clean to keep the room. Some roommates may prefer tidy spaces, while others don’t. But in shared living spaces like bathrooms, it’s important to clean up after yourself.
Noise can also be an issue. Some people can be loud and energetic late at night while others want to sleep. It’s important to be aware of others and take their preferences into account.
“If you need support, check in with your RA,” Majocha says.
Students’ RAs can help roleplay conversations ahead of time. Students can also find help for further developing communication skills and for practicing conversations at RIT’s Expressive Communication Center. While it’s not a place to vent, it can be a great way to learn how to have those difficult conversations.
Additionally, De Pina advises students to have more patience. When communicating, it’s important to be upfront. Don’t let issues fester to the point where someone blows up. Students may come in with a lot of baggage and pent-up stressors, and while everyone deals with it differently, it’s important to be aware of your roommate.
At the same time, don’t assume just having passing comments will count as good communication. Really sit down with your roommate and talk with them. Roommates may not notice passing comments, or they might be too distracted to register them — which is why a formal conversation matters.
Nonetheless, communication is easier said than done. It takes a ton of practice. However, according to Majocha, “establishing that communication early on can help mitigate conflict.”
If students want help with conflict resolution, RIT’s Ombuds Office is available. They can mediate conflicts, listen impartially, explore and analyze options, coach students through the conflict management and resolution process and more. For reasons of confidentiality, contact them by sending a brief, non-detailed email to ombuds@rit.edu.
