Bad News Beards

No shave November is my least favorite part of the year. I don’t like beards and I’m not alone. According to the Daily Mail, a study conducted in Canada and New Zealand showed that women prefer men that are clean shaven compared to those who have a greasy bush growing from their facial region. The study asked 19 men with full beards to participate. They took pictures of the men with and without beards and then showed the pictures to 200 women.

Please, if you’re a beard lover, spare me your excuses about how beards are signs of stronger immune systems and protect you from UV rays. According to the same article those claims are inconclusive and uncertain.

What is certain is that beards are gross. I have really long hair– it’s thick and it’s curly and it ensnares just about anything that it can, from bugs to food to pieces of paper if I’m not careful. If these things are being found in my hair I can’t imagine what kind of bacteria is found in the hair around your mouth, where you put food and touch with your dirty hands. The thought makes me shudder.

Please, don’t try to tell me that you’re growing a beard for prostate cancer awareness. Growing a beard or a mustache does nothing for the awareness of a cancer. Donating money to fund research for prostate cancer cures, getting involved with a hospital to visit patients who have prostate cancer and holding fundraisers are all ways to raise awareness. The only thing that comes out of growing facial hair is scratching your face more often than the average male — because beards are not comfortable.

Beards are disgusting, stupid and scientifically unattractive. If you have a deep love for your beard and don’t want to shave it off then don’t. By all means exercise your free will by allowing that growth to sit on your face. But from this girl’s perspective – ew.

Disagree? Cick here to read an opposing viewpoint: "The Beauty of Beards."

Illustration by Colleen McNally.