RITmz Special: Munchkin Date Night
by A Confused Gay | published Apr. 8th, 2021
Breaking the biggest stories in RIT celebrity news and entertainment, this is A Confused Gay with RITmz. Follow along as we share a story of love, laughter, secrets and awe-inspiring… acrobatics? We’ve gotten the inside scoop and behind the scenes footage of a date night that seemed to start off so normal, but ended in flames. Follow us as we follow David and Nancy Munchkin.
7 - 9:30 p.m.
Our reporters caught up with the Munchkins during their weekly stroll through the RIT campus. Nancy explained that the couple enjoyed gazing at the buildings and creating constellations out of the differently shaded bricks. Her favorite constellation thus far was a set of bricks that formed George Clooney’s face in the side of the College of Liberal Arts. When David wasn’t looking she took an extra peak, she told reporters.
The Munchkins also enjoyed scavenging for old chalk markings that haven't been washed away in the never ending storms of Rochester. They kept a tally:
good and you? (7)
[-b +/- sqrt(b^2-4ac)]/2a (472)
This seemed to have left the Munchkins famished by the time 8 p.m. rolled around, as they seemed to sprint full speed out of nowhere to get to Java's — which was strange being that the coffee shop had closed at 4 p.m. When our reporters walked in, however, the shop had been completely transformed into a restaurant so fancy it would have made Gusteau’s blush. Since the couple had sprinted, they had a lead over our mic and camera crew and had somehow changed clothes into an evening gown and full suit within the span of 30 seconds. What couldn’t this couple do!?
9:30 - 11:45 p.m.
As dinner came to an end, Munchkin directed us to the Boothe Theater for a showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show, but there was a twist. Somehow the entire cast was composed of the two; they played out every character themselves, and it was not lacking! I am unable to put into words the way they lit up the stage, even with the group dance numbers! This is where we were told the photos and interviews needed to stop, and with all of this juicy insight into their dating life, we were pleased — for the moment.
“OWA CHATTA OWA CHATTA OWA CHATTA.”
As my team and I were exiting Boothe, I noticed a weird light beckoning to me at the end of the hallway and down the stairs. My curiosity got the best of me and I followed the gleam, careful not to make sound or attract the attention of the crew. Small lanterns lined the basement stairs and guided down the hallway where I could see Nancy and David Munchkin rounding a corner. As they passed by the lanterns, the lights went out one by one, leaving me in darkness. I rounded the corner as fast and as carefully as I could just in time to see the couple entering a door I had never seen before. Lights flashed around the edges of the door and music softly thudded against the frame. I was enchanted. The door creaked open as if beckoning me inside and who was I to say no?
Enchantment was only the start, for what I saw in that room could only be explained as what would equate to a very good LSD trip. It was an amphitheater large enough that even the ancient Greeks would double take with one look at. I quickly hid behind a row of chairs but gasped when I saw what was at the bottom of the theater.
It was a circus.
I needed air.
This was different however, and believe me, the ethical and moral discrepancies circuses hold, boil my bones. But this circus — this one did not have live animals, it instead had people dressed as animals. RIT professors as bears, lions and even elephants. And Nancy... Nancy Munchkin was dressed as a tiger, much like Ritchie, jumping through hoops that were set aflame by the ring leader, who was none other than David Munchkin.
I watched in shock, the talent of these adults dressed as animals and performing circus acts was unfathomable. I also watched in horror, this must be why we got charged an activity fee during a pandemic by the school.
I needed air.
I slipped out of the back of the theater and all but crawled out of Boothe. Not five minutes after stepping outside did I spot shadowy figures out of the corner of my eye, quietly prancing towards the library doors. Did the show end? How did they change so fast? Where are they going?
The clock struck midnight on my Series 6 Apple Watch, I took out my iPhone 12 Pro Max and texted the studio. It was going to be a late night.
I hurriedly entered through COLA and down into the basement. Trying to make up distance, I ran through the halls and up into the library. I heard footsteps on the stairs above me and quieted my breathing. Where were they going? I counted the steps, it sounded like at least five people, with none of them talking which brought an eerie feeling over me.
I hustled to the fourth floor, which is incredibly hard to do stealthily may I add. To my dismay I could not find the Munchkins anywhere, not between bookshelves or study rooms. I had nearly given up when I heard a low chanting noise. I followed the noise to a door that had a small window I could just barely see through.
There I saw Nancy and David Munchkin along with three others, in black hooded cloaks, circling around the pelt of what I presume to be Spirit the tiger.
I was in awe, I could hear chanting from within the room and saw David light a fire below the pelt.
“WITH THIS MATCH, THE FIRE I BRING, PLEASE GOOD SPIRIT, BRING US SPRING.”
“WITH THIS FLAME, I ASK YOU PLEASE, GOOD GRADES FOR STUDENTS, NO TO C’S.”
“OWA CHATTA OWA CHATTA MAKE DONATIONS COME A LOTTA.”
It seemed like a summoning of fortune by burning the pelt of Spirit the tiger. I gasped and stared at the hooded figures, they turned towards me, eyebrows lowered.
“SPIRIT HAS HAD HIS TURN NOW THE NOSEY ONE MUST BURN.”
“OWA CHATTA OWA CHATTA OWA CHATTA.”