Dear Diery, When Can I Eat Brains Again?

illustration by Brainy Todd

Public Safety caught second year Neuroscience and Nutrition double major and HvZ zombie Brynn Nibbler attempting to enter the human anatomy labs late last Thursday night. Nibbler claimed he was doing "research" for a "personal experiment." When they searched him, all the officers found was a book labeled "diery" and a packet of salt.

Nibbler was let off the hook with a warning — a nod to the stress inherent to being a zombie on the predominantly-human RIT campus. At Nibbler's request and with the recommendation of his therapist, Distorter is publishing a portion of the confiscated diary as a way for the non-zombie student body at RIT to get a better understanding of the plight of zombies during the off-season.

September 29, 2017

Dear Diery,

Me miss brains. Hunting season finish till April 1. That when human brains can be eaten again for full week. Been 2 weeks since last brain eat. Brains so juicy. Brains are to die for. I wish April here.

October 24, 2017

Dear Diery,

So hard to make friends and find friends to enjoy meal with. I go to Gracie's sometimes and people too scared, think I will eat them if they sit with me. Life is so lonely.  

October 31, 2017

Dear Diery,

It is also hard to find good food. I saw what looked like brains at Gracie's, but sad when I found out they were just meatballs. Darn Halloween, you got my hopes up and crushed them.

November 28, 2017

Dear Diery,

Got my first tardy of semester. I was doing good. Stupid leg would not stay connected today, so I had to keep stopping to put on again. Walking down the quarter mile for normal students isn't hard, but for me is such work.

December 19, 2017

Dear Diery,

Student brains taste best when big exam finish. Know why? Brain is fried. Best way to eat brains. 

January 23, 2018

Dear Diery,

I try doing laundry every week, but it seems like no matter what my clothes still smell funny. I shower every day, but sometimes still smell bad. The only time people don't make faces at me is when I'm in Golisano.

February 14, 2018

Dear Diery,

Valentine’s Day lonely with no special friend. Dayum, me love womans with brains. Hard to find womans at RIT. Not many here. 

Lobe,

Brynn

March 2, 2018

Dear Diery,

Snowstorm so big. Wish could have brains. Mean I have brainfreeze if had brains. Best brain dessert. 

March 18, 2018

Dear Diery,

April start soon! That means HvZ spring week long starts April 1! Humans up for grabs! I can has brains! 

Next time you stumble upon a zombie, don't run! They can be your friend too. Just don't get too close, or you might be out a brain.